Thought I'll do a little writing before I begin the ardous journey through 'readings-never-end', and yes, I mean it. It will never end. Guess as always, like cliches... life is always full of ups and downs. Indeedy, I've had my share of terrifically marvelous flowers-in-bloom, sultry delightful moments of summer warmth and have had weathered raging storms, all in the span of six months. It's strange to think just how sometimes life plays out for one.
Had it been exciting? Yups! Had it been painful? Yups! Are there any regrets? ....
I would love to claim membership to the 'live life with no regrets' club..alas, no such luck. Or rather I lack that part of a character in me. I whip the dead horse too much, way too much. Trust me when I say you don't need the meat grinder for your meatloaf.
I haven't been able to look past a certain point in history. It seems like time has come to a standstill. It keeps bringing me back to that point in time, like an old broken record on loop. It's like there is this invisible thread binding me to it. I've been trying to cut it, to server it. I'm ashamed to say I haven't been able to snap out of it.
I couldn't quite help but think back to those times.
Fear held me back.
Memories are what's holding me back.
Memories are so powerful. They're tucked nice and snug somewhere deep in your concious being; sheltered, protected and accessible to no one but you. In times of nostalgia, you conveniently retrieve it from the archives and run it through once again like a film on screen. You pause to savour again the moments that thrilled your senses, that made your heart flutter and skip a beat. You wish for unfulfilling moments to have never been captured in history, in record. C'est impossible.
Perhaps I am a little masochistic. To keep putting those memories on replay and allowing its toxin to rupture in the heart. How silly.
Regrets. Maybe life would have played out another way if I had reacted differently. Perhaps I wouldn't be typing this silly little entry had I made a different decision. Or I possibly could be typing another post about a whole new topic altogether.
It could have gone either way. I can never be sure if the other way would not leave me far more bitter than I had been. In retrospect, perhaps somethings are never meant to be... for a reason or another. Pity, yes it is. But even more so if I keep latching on to the past.
It's good time that I should let it go, release it and allow it to sail away with time.
It's pointless to hold on to it for I can never revert time, can never get back to that point in time to change anything.
Let go and be gone.
